Summer Breeze...Makes Me Feel Fine

Summertime in Missouri has been a welcomed relief to the three of us. Having lived in Oklahoma (my home state) for the last three years, we are sooo thankful to have a summer scenery that is green and lush. Temperatures that are tolerable, not sweltering triple digits every.single.loving.day! We can actually go outside and remain cheery as we tour around the Show Me State. Which is precisely what we have done. What interesting places, people, and food we've come across. I must say, personally, that Missouri is the friendliest place on earth. People here are always so helpful and friendly. I have yet to come across a local with a bad attitude. I'm not saying they don't abound. I'm just saying that I haven't found them. I will showcase our particular adventures in the next few blogs. I just wanted to jump on here and remark on the fabulous 80 degree weather we've had nearly all season. This Okie is not  missing the 100+ temperatures. At. All.

Thank you for joining me as I blog along.

 

 

As always, with love....

The Last few Months....

These last few months have just flown by. In that time, we have lost a beloved pet, packed up over 10,000 pounds worth of our belongings, drove 400+ miles to our new duty station, unpacked nearly 10,000 pounds of said belongings, celebrated our 14th Anniversary, celebrated our son's 13th birthday, and begun to settle into our new home located in a beautiful area that reminds us of Germany. I have not had much time to dedicate to my blog. I have many things on which to blog! Several pictures to post! A few new recipes to tempt your tastebuds! So, check back often because...I'm back in the saddle again.

As always, thank you for joining me

as I blog along!

IT'S OFFICIAL!

It's official....we're PCSing! We have orders to the beautiful state of Missouri. We will be "lost in the woods"! Yes, we just moved from Germany two years ago. Yes, we just moved onto post this summer. However, this time we were actually able to request this move. My husband wanted to go the the "school house" to become an instructor. As much as I would love to remain in Oklahoma with my extended family, I love my husband more. So....it's time to stop hanging pictures on the walls of own new home and begin the preparations of moving to an even newer one. Ahhh....such is the life of a military wife! :)



Fortunately, I have visited the post we are moving to on several occasions. My husband has attended schools there in the past. Being only 6-7 hours away from where we lived, my son and I would visit Daddy during those times. Also, we've visited some of my husband's family that live approximately and hour away from the post. It is beautiful country. Trees everywhere. Rolling hills. Much different that my southern Oklahoma landscape. It seems to have a lot to offer for family fun. Camping. Lakes. Caverns. Horseback riding trails. Snowboarding. I could go on and on. I am happy to learn that they have a composite Civil Air Patrol squadron for my son. He absolutely loves being in this program.

 

Having been there before gives us a sense of familiarity. We know what to look forward to and what the area feels like. It is rural living, which we like. It also has major cities within a short drive. Branson is nearby, too. All in all, we are finding blessings in this move. Let me rephrase....I CHOOSE to find blessings in this move. To all of my military spouse friends, I hope you choose the positives in your moves as well. Try to find things to look forward to prior to making the move if you are given ample time. I say that loosely, as we were given orders to Germany 5 weeks prior to my husband's report date. My son and I didn't even have our passports by the time my husband had to fly out. If you fo have the time, get your kids excited. Get yourself excited. Choose to make your next PCS move a great ADVENTURE.

As always, much love

from my home to yours...

Finding Our Way Through The ADHD Maze

I always knew that there was something different about my son since he came into this world. Straight from the womb, he was bright-eyed and alert. I remember him turning his head to look at people talking to him at just a day old. He wasn't a fussy baby at all. Very easy-going. However, he was very stimulated by sight, sounds and smells. He did not sleep like other newborns. It seemed as though he was awake more than he was asleep. He also had reflux after almost every feeding, no matter what we tried. So, this exhausted Mommy would finally lay her sleeping baby down thinking he was not going to reflux and up it would come a few minutes later...soaking his clothes and his bedding. This, in turn, would make him wide awake again....for hours. Then it would be time for another feeding and hopefully reflux before I laid him down again. A change of clothes and then soothe him to sleep. Finally....asleep.....for 2 hours...hopefully! As he got older, it became more difficult. Any sound would wake him. Trust me, I didn't start out being the quiet Mom. I wanted him to be adjusted to sleep through household sounds. That....was turning out to be for other babies, not mine. The slightest little sound would pop him up in his crib. I would turn off the phone, the tv and shut the front door if I was trying to rest in those precious moments while he slept peacefully. I would cringe if a car drove by our house because without a doubt, I would soon hear him rustling around in his covers. I broke down crying on many occasions due to sheer exhaustion. I even made an appointment with a Pediatrician. I remember the Pediatrician walking into the room and saying under his breath, "...the nerve of these Mother's wanting me to make their children sleep now". I quickly informed him that I was not just some young Mother who did not understand young children. I knew children! I had worked with children for nearly 10 years (at that point).  Heck, even before that. I started baby sitting our neighbors kids when I was in 4th grade. I have always been the one taking care of the babies in the family, the neighborhood and for friends. I knew what babies were supposed to do and how they do it. I knew something was different about MY CHILD. Needless to say, the Doctor did not prove to be very helpful. I found swaddling to be the most soothing for him, but it was hard trying to not shed a tear or two when your baby is squirming and crying trying to wriggle out of his coccoon....fighting it every step of the way. There was a period from about 7-9 months of age that he followed a schedule of wake, eat, play, eat, sleep.

As a toddler, he quickly figured out how to climb out of his crib. This created a new problem. I tried the "put them back in bed, over and over and over again" method. Yeah, this was not a good method for a child with a duracell battery pack. Swaddling during this age was not ideal, but certainly proved helpful in putting him to sleep. He still maintained his usual routine of waking up several times during the night and trying to get into our bed. He also remained hypersensitive to sounds and smells. If he smelled a neighbor's dinner wafting through the window, his eyes would fly open and he'd say, "Mommy, what's that smell?" That would send the whole process back to square one. I tried my best to "wear him out" during the day. Needless to say, he had an untapped energy reserve from which to pull and could outlast either parent. By pre-school, he could be put to bed with one of us sitting close by to ensure that he did not get up and wander around. It still took at least an hour for him to wind down. I asked him one time why he kept moving his legs while lying next to him in bed. He told me that it was because his legs wanted to keep running. Bless his heart. His body just did not want to slow down! He still woke up throughout the night, several times. He was always wide-awake no later than 7:00a.m. everyday....no matter what time he finally fell asleep or how many times he awakened during the night.

By first grade, he could be put to bed with a kiss and sometimes a story. He did not need supervision. He would not fall asleep for hours and still awakened several times during the night. He also began to have a few problems in school. He was very talkative. He would get out of his seat many times throughout the day, sometimes preferring to stand up to do his classwork. He was forgetful, inattentive and unorganized. Homework time was a nightmare. He would inevitably argue over every little detail. I had always thought of ADHD as super-hyper, aggressive children with behavioral disorders (like ODD) as well. I had worked with many ADHD/ADD children. I just didn't see my child as being classified in that group. He was personable, happy-go-lucky kid. I just didn't want to label him ADHD and give him meds. I wanted to explore other options. He was a bright child, so I figured that his needs were not be met at school. He wasn't being challenged enough. I thought his new second grade teacher was not understanding that he was in a second grade classroom the year before (when he should have been in first). He was just bored. By third grade, the same complaints came in...talking, impulse control, getting out of his seat. Fourth grade rolled around and still the same complaints. His teacher, whom I admired greatly, let me know that he was receiving a lot of negative feedback for his behavior and that it might be affecting his self-esteem. She also stated that she helps him a lot, but other teachers may not. He could possibly fail higher grades if he did not get help. This really sunk in with me. I thought about what she said. I realized that he received a lot of negative attention at home. I thought, "what kind of life is that for my child...to get negative attention at home and at school...all day long. How is that NOT affecting how he perceives himself. Why am I not doing what I can to make sure he has a positive environment? If he has ADD, a medical condition...a learning disorder...why am I not doing what I can to make his life better for him?"

My son was seeing a Neurologist for other medical reasons and he had asked if Josh was on ADD medication once in his office. We had an appointment coming up with him that week. I decided to talk to him about it. He was happy I had asked since he had noticed Joshua's behavior during our visits. He prescribed him his first medication. We followed up with his Pediatrician for ADD (we had been released from the Neurologist after Josh got a medical clearance concerning the other medical issue). The first one ended up being too strong. We were told it was a "baby dose" and it wasn't made in smaller doses. So, the Doc switched to a new one. He stayed on that one for awhile. Josh began having near-fainting episodes. He had an echocardiogram to rule out an abnormal heart structure. He was cleared to remain on the med. We stayed on that medication for months. We moved and Josh began a new school. He began getting into trouble A LOT due to ADHD behaviors. His grades were dropping. He was also getting bullied relentlessly by other boys. He was called gay in some form or another daily. By fifth grade, he had more near-fainting episodes combined with palpitations. The new Pediatrician changed his meds to a non-stimulant. That one made him worse and he was getting into even more trouble at school. His bullying had increased as well. I was in contact with his teacher and Principal concerning his ADD. I kept his teacher informed of the changes and his heart issue. I discussed the bullying with them on many occassions. Josh had been kicked with cowboy boots (removing the skin on his shins), hit under the eye by a thrown piece of candy, had bruises up and down his arms from "frogging" to prove how tough he was and called every name in the book. He even got into a fight with one of his soccer team mates because the child called him "gay Lizzie McGuire" for the umpteenth time and kicked Josh in the shin. Josh snapped and began punching the kid. Josh was yelled at by the Coach. I followed up with the Principal the next day. The Principal actually said to me, "You know Josh has ADD and talks a lot. He interupts others and can be annoying to the other children because of that. That's why he is getting bullied. He draws attention to himself and brings it upon himself." He did not ask the names of the children or ask what could he do to help. Nope! He basically just let me know that due to my child having ADHD, he would be subject to harassment. I was furious. I immediately called the Superintendent. He was out-of-town so I spoke with his secretary. I told her what the Prinicipal had said. I asked her if my child were autistic and had behavioral issues that other children might find annoying, would he have said those things to that child's Mother? That it was the child's fault for being bullied?? I told her that I was going to do all that I could to find out what I could do about that. That logic was unacceptable. My son WAS NOT going to be the subject of "excusable" bullying because he had symptoms of ADD. She agreed. I had only been made aware of getting an IEP or 504plan the evening before. I was complaining to my cousin, Lorrie, and she mentioned them. I honestly was not aware that a child could get one of those for ADD. I told the secretary that I wanted to see about obtaining either of those for my child. She gave me the number to the Special Education Administrator. I called her and she asked me if I wanted to do the intelligence tests, even though they were not required. I told her that I would love to do that because my child is very intelligent, yet he is failing several classes. I wanted to show them that it was due to his ADD symptoms. After the testing, my son was denied an IEP based soley on his scores on the intelligence tests. You know, the ones that were not required. His teacher was thoroughly surprised that my son scored several grades above in many areas to include scoring a freshman in college in one area. I thought to myself....if you would have spent any time talking to my child, you might find out that he is more than just this kid with issues. Anyway, I did not know of an appeal and I thought that the determination applied to both IEP and the 504 plan. We continued on with Josh getting in trouble and struggling in school. One night, Josh woke me up and said that his heart woke him up because it was beating fast and hard in his chest and skipping around. He said he made his way to the bathroom, where he lost all vision and fell back into the toilet almost passing completely out. We went to the ER. He was tachycardia, but he stated he wasn't feeling as badly as when he was awakened. We went to the Pediatrician for a follow-up. All meds were stopped at that point. His Doctor wanted to put a referral in for a Pediatric Cardiologist and a Psychiatrist. He wasn't comfortable prescribing meds to Josh any longer. The Cardiologist was scheduling about 6-8 months out. Even without the ADD meds, Josh continued to experience near-fainting spells. He also began having arrhythmias. The Psychiatrist changed Joshua to new non-stimulant. It helped his symptoms in school somewhat. He only had a month of school remaining and he faired well. Sixth grade began in a new building. He started off with the same non-stimulant. It wasn't managing his symptoms well, but it was all we could do until the visit with the Cardiologist. I spoke with every one of his teachers during open house. I made them all aware of the ADD, the meds that were barely managing symptoms, his heart issues and the bullying. I even told them that I had attempted to get him an IEP/504, but was denied. Within the first month, Josh was given 5 days of detention as a first offense. A child who had called him names before was walking in front of him. Josh rushed around him and accidentally bumped him. That child responded by saying, "watch it faggot!" My son replied, "f you". My son went to a teacher nearby and reported it. He didn't hold back and told what he had said as well. They were both sent to the disciplinarian. They both received 5 days of lunch detention. I was told by the Asst. Principal (disciplinarian) that Josh should not respond to bullies or he would get into trouble as well. That he just needed to not say anything at all and just report the bullies. I explained to him that after being bullied since he began school here a year and a half ago, my son was getting pretty sick of it. He had turned into a different child and was starting to fight back. He changed in his personality as well. He was irritable, emotional and just not the happy kid he used to be. He wasn't faring any better in his classes. He was forgetful, inattentive and impulsive. He would blurt out random things to the teacher when they were supposed to be reading or working. One teacher referred him to lunch detention nearly everyday. So many things happened in the months following...bad things...really really bad things. I will save those for another post about bullying.

The psychiatrist never mentioned any behavioral modifications other than telling my son to put his hand over his mouth to control his talking/blurting stuff out. We couldn't change any meds because we were still waiting to see the Cardiologist. After many incidences, I called the Special Education Administrator in September to try to get an IEP/504 again. I told her about some of the issues and she stated that she would get it in motion. After a two months, I called to see where we were in the process. The Administrator asked me, "So were you wanting a 504 or IEP or what?" I was stunned that she hadn't called me at any time to ask so that we could progress in the process. I told her that I did not know the difference. She told me to research it online and get back with her. She also asked me if we wanted to put Josh in a Special Education classroom. I asked her if she meant for testing or quiet time to complete work? She stated that she meant full-time. She said that she had talked with all of Joshua's teachers and she felt that the Special Education classroom would be best for him. I mentioned, "Well...my son had an intelligence testing done and was denied an IEP/504 because he scored in the 8-9th grade levels while he was in 5th grade. He had also scored a freshman in college on one area, but you feel that he would be best served in a special education classroom?" She said, "Well, talk it over with your husband and get back with me tomorrow." I told her that we had an appointment with a Pediatric Cardiologist concerning some cardiac issues the following day. I explained everything to her and how I had told all of his teachers about first aid procedures in the event he passes out or begins having arrhythmias during class. She told me that we could add his medical needs to the 504. I called her after Joshua's appointment and let her know that 1) we were not interested in the special education classroom, 2) the pediatric cardiologist had written out special instructions for Joshua that needed to be implemented into his plan and were to begin immediately, 3) we wanted the 504 plan (we did not want to chance being denied again based testing results). I even went to her office to drop off a copy of the doctors written script to be implemented into the plan. I provided copies to the school as well. This was in NOVEMBER. December passed. January passed. More incidents happened, many many more detentions that my son incurred....finally I called and asked her what the hold up was. She said, "Oh, are you still interested in the 504 plan?" Ummm....YES!!! I went to her office to speak with her. She had not even begun to write the 504. She didn't even remember me dropping off the Cardiologists instructions. She asked me what I wanted in the 504. I listed important things that I felt would help him. She said that we would be met with resistance from the Principal. I specifically wanted it to mentioned that a teacher would not be allowed to single my son out in front of the class for his behavior/make fun of him. I had reported one of his teachers recently for saying "Duh, Josh" whenever my son realized something pertaining to what she was teaching. The class was also now saying it to him in the classroom and laughing. The children would back her up and say, "Yeah Josh, Duh!" She also said, "Why can't you learn like the other children?" and she made a big deal out of him drinking his water to stay hydrated (which was part of his cardiologists orders to prevent fainting). She would ask, "Why can't you just be like the other kids?" Finally five months later in February, we had our 504 meeting with my son's teachers. It was a very watered-down version of a 504. It pretty much pertained to his heart issues and not so much to help with his ADD issues. On one of the areas, it asks the teachers to check his planner to make sure he has written down the day's assignments. The teacher mentioned above commented that she did not have time to check every student's planner to make sure they write in it. I told her that I was not asking her to check EVERY child's planner, just MY child's. Also, since the teachers had smart boards, it was asked that they print out copies of the notes on the board as my son had an issue of seeing notes on the board and being able to write them to paper. The above teacher did not provide notes at all until my husband went into her classroom 2 weeks later and asked her to start doing it. She did it for about 2 weeks and then stopped. During this time, Joshua started on new med combined with his non-stimulant. It was too strong and caused him to be angry, emotional and off-the-charts hyper. He was changed to a lesser doage. Also at this time, the height of his bullying peaked and a major incident happened. I pulled my son out of school for three days. I also received a referral to a Therapist from my son's ADD Psychiatrist. She felt it would help with the school issues. When he returned, things changed somewhat (but not really). My son began having more arrhythmias and tachycardia. He had to wear a 30 day monitor during the months of March and April. The principal gave my son one final detention for 3 days during the last week of school in May. It was because he told a child who had called him faggot many times in the past (he had reported it to teachers), who kept interrupting his conversation to "Be quiet. Nobody is talking to you." My son received detention because the child added "nobody likes you" to his complaint, even though the other child involved in the conversation denied that that part was said at all by Josh or anyone involved. My son received detention because his remark was "rude and insulting." It was at this time that we decided to move. My son was not to attend this school next year.

So, skip to new school. I talked with the new counselor about my son's 504 and asked if we had to get a new one coming into their school. He said that we did. We did that. It is basically the same as the previous one. I did not have any knowledge about how he was going to do in this school. I was hoping for the best. He continued seeing his Therapist. He continued seeing his Psychiatrist and started his two meds back up for school. He also had to go back to his Cardiologist because he had arrhythmias during the summer. He also continued to have ADHD/ADD symptoms. He was talking incessantly and impulsive (getting out of seat while teacher was talking). He received 3 detentions in the first month. I asked his Therapist if she could also help us with his ADD issues because his Psychiatrist only tells him to cover his mouth. I told her that I had read many books and we had tried many meds, but I just couldn't figure out something that worked. I was at a loss on what to do. She began working with him/us. After I was called in for a parent-teacher conference after his fourth detention, I called his Psychiatrist for help. She was very irritated upon our arrival. I told her about the detentions. I told her what the teachers had said about his talking and getting up during class. She began aggressively and loudly scolding my son. She told him that he needed to cover his mouth with his hand when he felt like talking. She told him that she now felt that all of the problems at his former school were not because of his teachers, but because of him (most of the issues had to do with bullying and how the issue was handled..it most certainly was not his fault). She also told us that she was running out of options and she could not dope our son up to make him mind. I am not one for medication anyway, so she was way off base here. I would rather my son NOT be on medication. My husband began asking questions. She informed my husband that she always charges us for only 30 minutes of her time, but that we always take 45 minutes or more. She said that she does not have time to talk about all the personal issues with us. She said that Josh needed to see a Behavioral Modification Specialist (first time I ever heard of that). I told her that we were seeing _____. She said, "Oh no. She is a Therapist! Not a counselor/doctor." I was thinking...wait, you referred us to her! My husband asked that maybe my son did not need medication then and could just see the Behavioralist. She told my husband that he was in denial. She said that she would write a script or not. She didn't care. Whatever we wanted. She didn't care. All said in a sarcastic tone. My husband told her that he was just trying to find out what was best for Josh, med or not or behavior modification. He didn't know what to do. She said that Josh needs to just close his mouth. She said that she did not have time for this. My husband said, "Fine. The next appointment, we will know that we only get 30 minutes and we should only talk about his meds and nothing else." She said that it was fine! My husband asked her why she was being aggressive and rude. She stated that she was not aggressive, she was just blunt and if he didn't like it..then? My husband said, "We are just trying to find out what to do. We didn't know you we only authorized thirty minutes. We have never heard of a behavioral specialist until today. My wife has asked you for help many times and you just tell her to tell Josh to cover his mouth with his hand. What kind of help is that?" She and my husband got into a heated argument and we left. My husband called our insurance provider and found out that she was authorized a 45-50 minute visit. If she needed more time, she could call and get it authorized. No biggie. He asked for a new psychiatrist. There is only 1 other pediatric psychiatrist in our area. We see him in late October. We met with my son's Therapist later that day. We told her of the appointment earlier that day. She was floored. She asked to meet back with us in a few days. She researched some behavior charts to start in the home and also gave us the number to a Behavior Specialist/Psychologist. She said that Josh needed to be seen to get a baseline on his ADD and do a Psych Eval since none had ever been done. She recommended that we start over from square one in treating Josh. We have independently starting giving Josh sublingual b12 and multi-vitamins.

He also take DHA/fish oil daily. That has helped. I saw results the first day. He is still....Josh. We heard back from the Behavioral Specialist and she cannot see Josh until late January. Yikes! With that said, I received a lot of information from her assistant. He informed me of the services she provides and how she can help us with behavior modification at home and assist us in the CORRECT 504 or IEP at school. I am very excited and hopeful for my son. I only want the best for him. I want to help him be able to help himself and set himself up for success! And that my friends....is where we are in this big ole ADHD/ADD maze! I cannot imagine the hoops parents must jump through when their child is autistic, mentally impaired or physically impaired or facing other issues. God Bless You All!  

HAPPY FALL Y'ALL!

So, it has cooled off a little here in Southern Oklahoma. We have had temperatures ranging from the cool high 60's to the warmer high 90's. That's Oklahoma for ya. Don't like the weather....wait a few minutes! This time of year brings some of our favorite family things to do 'round here. Although it starts a little bit before Fall, we still love to watch our favorite football team throughout the season...OU SOONERS, baby! Of course, we like OSU...but, only if they're playing teams we don't like AND they're not outranking us! lol We have the Oklahoma State Fair happening in September. We went on the 15th and had a blast! In October, we have the Pumpkin Patch in Cyril at the Jahn's Farm and the Corn Maze in Weatherford. I can hardly wait to go this year. We have not been since we moved back from Germany. Now that my son is older, he'll get to enjoy the Haunted Maze and Laser Tag with his friends instead of Dear Old Mom and Dad. :) Although my son will not be trick-or-treating this year, we will still take part in some of the festivities. Maybe this year, he is old enough to walk WITH DAD (:oP) through the Trail Of Fear. Then, we'll make our way into November where our family will gather around a monumental smorgasbord of good-ole-down-home-cooking! Yup, I'm talkin' 'bout Thanksgivin'!! I make my same specialties every year. Every now and then I'll venture out and try something new, but I have been cooking these dishes for so long that my family expects these favorites to be on the TG menu. The Big Hungry Bear, aka The Husband, starts asking if I'm making the Potato Casserole days in advance. He knows I make it every year, but he just has to ask to make sure that "I" haven't forgotten about it. I am getting up in age ya know! ;)



Jahn's Pumpkin Patch

I hope each of you have a wonderful time outdoors as you get this much needed break from the heat. In Oklahoma, it doesn't last that long so we'll take it when we get it!! It's the perfect time to for you to: ride your horse(s) more often, knock some of those "honey-dos" off the list, rotate your wardrobe, plant some mums, paint some pumpkins, go on a photography road trip, pick some apples and plan more family outtings. The third season of the year makes it more pleasurable to do more of these things.

In addition to the changing landscape and getting to sport our favorite hoodies, there is another seasonal transformation that takes place...IN THE KITCHEN! With cooler weather comes our cravings for comfort foods. You know the ones.....all savory and hearty, cheesy and rich. Throw in a few Autumn-spiced sweets and you'll have a well- rounded Fall feast.

 

I have been cooking like a champ for the last few weeks. I've doled out some delicious Mini Apple Pies, Shrimp Stuffed Poblanos, Homemade Chicken Noodle Soup and Lobster Ravioli with Tomato Cream Sauce to name a few. I'll start posting some of these delicious recipes along with a few others soon. If  a particular recipe looks good, like the post . If you have a question, ask. Critique or advice, drop a line in the comment section. I would love to hear from you!

 

And now....here are a few pictures from the past for you to enjoy.

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A FEW COSTUMES

A Truck Driver (complete with Preperation H)

As Daddy



A Black Eyed "P"

George Washington

 

iPhone

Soldiers Dressed Up For A Fall FRG Party

 

A Little Fall Fun

Decorating Your Yard

Smores And Roasted Marshmallows Around The Firepit



Yes, in the military life...sometimes you gotta combine Thanksgiving AND Christmas!



Getting Stuffed!

With Your Beloved Animals

Taking A Few Family Pics






Enjoying A Nice Ride In The Cool Weather



 

      Again, thank you for joining me as I blog along

and I wish you all a....

 

HAPPY FALL Y'ALL!

 



THE LONGEST TWO YEARS: The Hardest Part Was Letting Go

Life in the military is never an easy one. I knew this going in. I was prepared. My parents and my life experiences had taught me to be strong in the face of difficult times. I had survived through three deployments, once being involuntarily seperated from my husband for 20 months. I had lived in a foreign country twice and returned to the States unscathed. I had dealt with infertility, infidelity and obesity. But nothing....nothing had prepared me for 2010.

As I was abruptly awakened on a cold German winter's night in late 2009, I knew the phone call from my Mom was not a good one. I could hear it in her voice, even though I was still foggy from my sleep. She explained to me in a shaky voice that she had been diagnosed with a rare disease, Wegener's Granulomatosis. An x-ray had revealed numerous masses in her lungs. She was to undergo surgery in January and then begin an aggressive round of chemotherapy and steroids thereafter. I reassured her that everything was going to be okay. I tried to maintain control; my quivering voice on the verge of breaking into hysterics. My Mother was our Matriarch. She was my best friend. I talked to her nearly everyday...yes, even during the last 3 years while living in Germany. I told her that I would be there for her. And I would! As I hung up the phone, tears exploded from my eyes. My husband, who had been listening in the dark, wrapped his arms around me and squeezed tightly. He agreed that I should return to Oklahoma to be there for my Mom.

In January, my husband packed up and left for a three month school in Ft. Leonard Wood, Missouri. As my Mother underwent surgery back home, I made preparations for the trip to Oklahoma. We lived off-post in an German house. We had our rent, German utilities, phone and internet service, and a cat that would need to be taken care of for the next three months until my husband returned from school. I had to make sure that after paying those in advance, I still had enough in savings to buy two plane tickets and enough to sustain three residences (germany, hubby's school and my mom's) for awhile. It took some elaborate planning, but I did it. I withdrew my 9 year old son from school in February 2010 and we were on the plane the following week. With 5 huge suitcases in tow, we were headed for "home". I didn't know how long we would be there, I just knew that we HAD to be there.

Once settled, I enrolled my son in the local school and began the HONOR of taking care of the one who had taken such great care of me. A beautiful, redheaded woman with a heart of gold. My best friend. She was recovering from the lung biopsy surgery and hadn't yet begun chemo. She was still her usual self, her quick wit and stubbornness still intact. She was up bright and early every morning listening to the birds, talking to God and drinking her coffee. She would then make her Grandson a traditional country breakfast of bacon, eggs, gravy and biscuits. She did it every morning. When I complained that she didn't have to do that for him everyday, she quickly let me know that "she'd do it if she wanted to!" I didn't argue with that. It wasn't long before the chemo and steroids began to take their toll. With her face nearly unrecognizable from the shiny balloon effect of the steroids, her quick wit began to fade. Tiredness consumed her as she struggled to breathe. Her stubbornness was failing her more and more each day. After three months of battling her disease, her body succumbed to bacterial pneumonia. The chemo and steroids had left her without defenses to war the raging infection within her body. She became septic and passed suddenly and unexpectedly. Thanks be to God that peacefully and without much suffering, she did go. On a breezy June morning, we laid her to rest.

With the profound loss still resonating within me, I longed to fly back to Germany. I desperately needed the comfort and strength of my husband's arms enveloping me. The Army had other plans. Upon completion of my husband's three month school in March, he was selected for Recruiting. We had chosen Oklahoma as our top preference so that we could be nearer to my Mom and family. With bittersweet news, my husband informed me that we had received orders to a Recruiting battalion in Oklahoma. He was due to arrive in a couple of months. It was decided that my son and I would remain in Oklahoma. It turned out to be a blessing as I was still needed back home. Since my Mother passed without a having a will, my sister and I had to retain a probate lawyer. My Mother had owned her land and home, plus land my Grandmother had willed to her. It was decided that the land would go to her three children. With large medical bills looming, we needed to take quick action.  We could not imagine selling the land on which we had been raised. Land that held so many happy memories from our childhood. We had to pay off the remaining medical bills in order to prevent the forced sale of the land. Also, we made a provision stating that our Mother's common-law husband could remain in the home as long as he wished. A home they had shared for 24 years. My son, Josh, and I settled into living with my Stepdad as we waited for my husband to clear Germany. Grief was still palpable in the home as we all dealt with the loss in our own way. A couple of months later, my husband arrived. We were informed of his pinpoint assignment a month later and began looking for homes in that area immediately. We were overcrowded in my Mother's home. The tiny, three bedroom mobile home had become too small for my husband, me, our son, our dog, our cat, my stepdad and his two indoor dogs. With Tulsa only a three hour drive from my Mother's, a day trip to view rental properties was planned. During this trip, we found the perfect home. It was the perfect location, size and layout. It had plenty of room outside for our large Mastiff and two horses. The property would not be ready for another month, so it worked for our budget as well. We had not yet received our moving allowances. We signed the lease. Our lives seemed to be picking up from where we had left off. I felt happy for the first time in months.

Then, the Army dropped a bombshell! My husband's paperwork from Germany had not been entirely finished because he was instructed to complete it at his new duty assignment. The new duty assignment did not "remember" talking to him about it (even though he had the individual names of those with whom he had consulted). It would take at least six months to complete the required paperwork. Recruiting school was to begin in one month. Therefore, he would not be able to attend. The Army decided that he would have to be reassigned to another location (hopefully within Oklahoma) where he could fulfill his former military duties. The new orders placed us at a post located twenty minutes from my Mother's home. The place where I grew up near my huge extended family. I was relieved. I felt that this would be a good place to "heal". We began looking for rental properties in the area and signed up for housing. We knew our budget would be tight, since we were not getting the Recruiting pay we had counted on and we were still paying lawyer/medical bills. Out of nowhere, the Army threw us another curve ball. The new orders made the PCS orders from Germany obsolete. When Finance and Accounting calculated our dislocation and other moving allowances, they did not factor in my son and me at all. They did not factor in that we had just made an overseas PCS move. Nope! They calculated it as if my husband was a single soldier moving from Tulsa to his new duty assignment three hours away. The payment we received was very, very low. Not even enough to pay the first month's rent on a place, let alone pay a deposit or set up utitilites. We had pretty much depleted our savings and were behind on payments on some of the bills we owed. My mother had lost her job due to her illness and took a financial blow. I had to put off some of our bills during this time to help her with prescriptions and her utilities (not to mention we still maintained a home in Germany as well). My credit score had gone from a 783 to....well,  let's just say it suffered tremendously.We had extra money from the vehicle we sold in Germany, but we had put that toward the purchase of a new (used) vehicle shortly after my husband had arrived from Germany. We tried to fight the Finance section's determination, but they would not acknowledge my son and me on new orders. They would not reimburse our airline tickets. They would not calculate his move from Germany to Oklahoma. They stayed strong in their position in what they felt was appropriate compensation. We were counting on that money to put us right! Our financial situation was bleak. So, we had to ask my Stepdad if we could live with him in my Mom's house until we could get back on our feet or until military housing became available.

As we all lived crammed into her small home, the loss of our Matriarch still weighed heavily upon us. This home that was once filled with laughter and happiness became an ever-present reminder of what we had lost. A darkness clouded our moods. Tempers flared now and then. We were all trying to make it work, but we were struggling at best. The day came when our household goods could not be held any longer. We had reached the maximum allowed time for storage. The delivery needed to be done within the next three weeks. We had applied for military housing, but the wait list was long. We scrambled up all the extra cash we could, even pawning my jewelry, and we began to look for a rental home. With lawyer/medical bills still needing to be paid, our budget was very limited. We knew that we would have to sacrifice for awhile, but in the end we would own a portion of my Mother's land. Land that had been handed down from my Grandpa. We were doing what we HAD to do. We were doing it for us and the future of our son. It was land we would hand down to him one day.

Our rental search ended the day we told my stepdad about the move. He decided that he would move out instead. His elderly mother had declined in health and needed around-the-clock care. He moved out the day before our household goods arrived. Due to the size of her home and the fact that her belongings still filled it, most of our furniture had to be placed into a storage building. Of course, the Army was not finished with us just yet. We were charged for being overweight on our household goods. In true Army fashion, they had taken it directly out of my husband's paycheck without notification. We tried to fight it because we had two different weight receipts for our stuff, but it was a fruitless effort. After things settled down, we actually began "living" in that home. At some point, housing called to notify us of an available home. We declined. We decided that we were going to live where we were and eventually build a new home where my Mother's once stood. And it was here where we lived for the next year and a half. With my Mother's pictures still on the wall, her home was exactly the way that she left it (with the exception of a few pieces of our furniture now occupying it). *I* felt as if life was being breathed back into it. *I* felt near her when I dusted the teapots she had collected since childhood or while watering the elephant ear plant she'd cared for since 1982. *I*enjoyed sitting on the deck in the morning listening to the birds she loved so much. *I* began to love this home again. *I* felt like I was keeping her memory alive by staying there.

However, the stark reality of it was.....the home was dilapidated from years of neglect. It was not even worth renovating. You could poke your fingers through the walls to the outside in some rooms. Black mold had developed in multiple areas throughout the home. The aging air conditioner was running 24/7 in an attempt to cool the home during the summer. However, some days it would reach 113 degrees INSIDE the home. The electricity bill alone topped out at nearly $400 a month. Most importantly, our son was unhappy in school. He was being bullied relentlessly despite our attempts to MAKE the school handle the matter. And I....I had replace my grief with an unhealthy emotional attachment to "keeping the home alive". I was not, in fact, keeping the memories alive by living in the home. Rather, I was PREVENTING myself from moving on. So....when a series of events at my son's school finally pushed us into filing a Federal complaint against them (after we had exhausted all other avenues), we decided that we NEEDED to move. We did not want to lease or rent off-post since we were still paying the remaining medical bills and catching up on our own finances. We knew our budget would not provide a home off-post in as safe of an environment as it would in military housing. We called Housing to resubmit our names to the list. We were notified two weeks later that a home was available on-post for us. That was quick! I had not expected that. I was stunned even. I was not emotionally ready to seperate from my Mother's home. I was not ready for it to be empty...to never again see the photos of my son proudly hanging in "Grandma's Angel" picture frames upon the wall....or to never be able to open the fridge again and see her favorite coffee still sitting on the shelf where she had left it. I was not prepared to turn my Mother's home into an abandoned house. I was not ready to LET IT GO! I cried off and on for the next two weeks thinking about those things. I felt guilty for leaving. It was as if I was letting her down. I cried even more the day I delicately packed all of her belongings into non-descript brown boxes, seemingly unworthy to hold such treasures. I cried my heart and soul out as I peered around her empty house. There were rectangular outlines on the walls where decades of moments frozen in time were lovingly once displayed. As I sat there, my heart ached to hear her.....to smell her...to feel her once more. Then, I stood up and pulled from all of the strength that she had instilled in me. I pulled it from depths I had never known.....and I walked out of the door, locking it behind me.

Foxy Momma at the Wildlife Refuge with her children.

                                                                            

My Mom and Stepdad...so happy together.

Happy to be expecting her first grandchild.

 

Spoiling that grandbaby!

 

 My Mom, her sisters, grandson and me before traveling to a family reunion in Texas.

Like Grandma Like Grandson

My Mom and brother at his wedding.

 



My Mom pictured two months before she passed away.

From Facebook To Blogging: Making the Transition

I recently decided to attempt blogging. I figured since I was pretty much already doing it via facebook on a much...MUCH...smaller scale, why not make the transition into writing something more in depth than statuses and comments. It seemed to be the next logical step for me. I have a great many passions: 

                       My Army Husband

My Pre-Teen Son

   Cooking

Photography

 Traveling

 reading, crafts, shopping, decorating, horses, etc, etc. I figured that I could scrounge up enough subject matter from which to pluck a blog post or two. As never having done this before and not being the tech-savvy person I think I am (according to the aforementioned pre-teen), I ask for your patience until I get my bearings. Thank you and many blessings!