Squirrel!

Here are just a few of the MANY things I have learned while raising a child with ADHD.

1) Never assume that the child heard you the first time. EVER!!

2) Even if he did hear you, he probably heard the first two words and that's it.

3) If you send him to look for something and he says he cannot find it, walk into the room yourself and look in the most obvious spot. It is usually there. If you gave him directions on where to find it, look there first.

4) While engaged in a conversation, expect that you only have 3.5 seconds to say everything you need to say. After that, he is contemplating the theory of relativity...the psi of the tires on the vehicle your driving....and what he should wear to school tomorrow....simultaneously.

4A) While still engaged in the above conversation and you've completed your 3.5 seconds of it, expect to him to interrupt you at that point and begin to discuss at length....at remarkably long lengths.....the topics mentioned above.

4B) While he discusses the topics above, expect him to interrupt himself as he sees something of interest. It will go a little something like this....."The theory of relativity can be, OMG did you just see that 1962 Chevy Nova with the 350 v8 420hp engine whoooaaa, can be divided into special relativity and general rela.....do you think general tires are better than goodyear tires? I don't think so. General relativity is the theory of gravitation. Will you fix my hair in the morning?"

5) Give him time throughout the day to expend his energy is a positive way. If you do not, you can guarantee that he will eventually morph into "Hammy the Squirrel on REDBULL" at the most inappropriate time.

6) If you are driving long distances and your husband left a red SHARPIE in the back seat of the car, you can expect that eventually...he WILL find it and he WILL entertain himself with it. Hopefully, you peek in the backseat using the rear view mirror right before he decides to color his blonde eyebrows red!

BORED ADHD KID ON A 4 HOUR DRIVE + A RED SHARPIE =
A FRENCHMAN'S MUSTACHE THAT LASTS FOR DAYS
(pic is after we scrubbed it with soap in a truck stop bathroom lol)

7) Unless you own a Demron suit and are prepared for a nuclear meltdown, DO NOT...I repeat...DO NOT allow the over-consumption of sugar, caffeine, chocolate, high fructose corn syrup, or red #35!  It will result in your child glowing soft blue as charged particles emitted by the reactor (hyped energy from said products) pass through the dielectric medium (kid's body) faster than the phase velocity of light!

7A) If you are made to feel guilty for limiting sugar/caffeinated products to your child...say at a relative's house who thinks its OKAY for "kids to be kids" and eat these things and they end up giving a bunch of it to your child anyway....leave your child there for about an hour or so. It will be an isolated incident, promise!! ;o)

8) Hide the Bologna! It makes for greasy, albeit creative, "bologna art" all over the kitchen cabinets, stove, walls, and doors after the child discovers it sticks to everything.

9) Do not purchase a bunk bed for a young child without impulse control. His best friend will need an xray after being pushed from the top bunk because "I just wanted to see if he could land on his feet like a cat!" (Thankfully nothing was broken. And noooo...he did not land on his feet like a cat!)

9A) Speaking of ER visits, he'll need plenty himself. My little adrenaline junkie put me through the ringer many times as I sat in a stark, white hospital room while they sutured his head or splinted his wrist. I was sick with worry while he was in awe of the COOL black strings tied on his bottom lip!

10) Most importantly, I learned that I love him for who he is and who he is not. He is just trying to find his place in this world like the rest of us. He is a unique and sensitive being. He is creative, intelligent and one the funniest kids I know. ADHD does not define who he is, it merely plays a small part in the whole of him. I LOVE HIM ALWAYS AND IN ALL WAYS!